110 dark humor jokes that are twisted, dark and so very funny

What's better than a good dad joke? Well, a bad dark humor joke, for starters.

Skirting the edge of inappropriate, you can't help but chuckle when you hear a twisted one-liner because sometimes warped is pretty dang funny. Depending on your audience, you just might find that friends and family love a well-executed morbid joke more than they do the family-friendly sort.

If that's the case, then you're in luck. We've got a collection of dark humor gags that, depending on your sense of humor, will make you laugh out loud and roll your eyes in tandem.

Kids and the easily-offended might want to steer clear of these dumb jokes on marriage, work, family, dating, money and other potentially-touchy topics.

However, for those who appreciate going a bit on the dark side for their chuckles, this is the joke compilation for you.

For example: My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home.

Or how about this one? At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something.

Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in.

Pretty bad, right? But also funny and you know it. So, read on, and hold tight to your head because with these dark humor jokes, you're bound to laugh it right off.

Marriage dark humor jokes

• Why didn't the wife attend her husband's funeral? She wasn't much of a mourning person.
• Why is being married worse than having to go to work? Because at least with work there's a chance you'll get a new boss.
• I don't go to vampire weddings. They usually suck.
• My husband is driving me to drink. I guess it's better than taking me for a walk.

• How are husbands like wine? They take forever to mature.
• I haven't talked to my wife in a week. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
• My husband says I'm too competitive. I told him I already knew that.
• The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
• My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
• My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine?

• I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife.
• My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
• A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
• Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.”
• My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning. I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let him sleep.”

• Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
• My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
• I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”
• My wife says making love is even better on vacation. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Work dark humor jokes

• The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
• As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
• The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

• I have many jokes about unemployed people — sadly none of them work.
• Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
• You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
• My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
• My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
• Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
• I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
• Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

• To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
• I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
• I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

Family dark humor jokes

• My parents raised me as an only child. Which really infuriated my sister.
• My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

• A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
• Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
• At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something.
• My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

• To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
• Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.”
• When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
•  I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
• My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

• I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
• I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
• What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.

• Today I made a decision to go to my childhood house. I asked the residents if I may come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door on my face. My mother and father are the worst.
• My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
• What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

Dating jokes

• When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
• Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
• “I was talking to my therapist and he goes, ‘You tend to pursue damaged people and try to help them.’ I was like, ‘You too.’”
• My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was too mysterious. Or did he?

• Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
• They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
• My girlfriend’s birthday is in a week and she said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!” So I got her nothing.
• My boyfriend said to me the other day, “If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.” Apparently, getting stuck in traffic doesn’t count as “anything.”

Money dark humor jokes

• When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
• I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

• I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
• I won $3 million on the lottery so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Punny dark humor jokes

• Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
• A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

• Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
• What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.
• Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn’t wave back.
• When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

• Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
• When my uncle Frank died, he needed his ashes to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His final wish was to be Frank in Stein.
• A man just assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy.
• My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

• Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
• Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
• Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punch line.
• The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
• Why did the skeleton skip the prom? Because he had no body to go with.

General dark humor jokes

• I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
• Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

• Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
• I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.
• First rule of Vegan Club: You tell everyone about Vegan Club.
• You know you’re not well-liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
• I told my psychiatrist that I’d been hearing voices. He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.
• “Just say no to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
• What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
•  I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
• A limbo champion walks into a bar. He’s disqualified.
• “Indecisive” is my favorite word. Actually, no, it isn’t.

• I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance. I told her, “Thank you, I did gymnastics as a kid.”
• Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it 23 times.
• What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm? Biting into an apple and discovering half a worm.
• When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

• Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
• I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
• What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.
• Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
• The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
• What rhymes with “boo” and stinks? You.

• Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
• Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
• Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in.
• Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
• I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
• “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
• I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
• Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

• I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I’m not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
• What do you call someone who won’t stop raving about how the world is going to end? A climate scientist.
• Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
• You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
• My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.