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250 best dad jokes to tickle everyone's funny bone

Kids and adults will moan and groan over these laugh-out-loud dad jokes, dumb puns and corny one-liners.

There's never a bad time for a good joke, which makes having a supply of corny one-liners ready to go at a moment's notice, nothing short of essential.

To ensure you're well-stocked up with groan-worthy gags and terrible puns, we've got a comprehensive collection of dad jokes so amazing that even dads themselves will be duly impressed.

For example: Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning? It had a conductor, naturally.

You ever wonder what lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.

Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.

Along with wise-cracking witticisms, we've gathered our favorite knock-knock jokes along with plenty of clean jokes that are guaranteed to appeal to the whole family.

Speaking of peels, what do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper, of course.

If you liked that dumb joke, then you're going to love the rest of these cheesy anecdotes. But before we get started, we mustache you a question:

Did you hear the one about the cowboy who adopted a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.

Thank you, thank you very much. We'll be here all week.

Terrible dad jokes

  • What did one toilet say to the other? You appear a bit flushed.
  • Why are most people tired on April 1? They've just finished a 31-day March.
  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
  • Why did the rabbit go to the salon? It was having a bad hare day.
Dad Jokes
  • Where do birds stay when they travel? Someplace cheep.
  • I enjoy telling bad puns. That's just how eye roll.
  • What should you do if your puppy isn't feeling well? Take him to the dog-tor.
  • Why can't leopards play hide-and-seek? Because they're always spotted.
  • What kind of felines can bowl? Alley cats.
  • Why did the man bring his watch to the bank? He wanted to save time.
  • Where do penguins go to vote? The North Poll.
Dad Jokes
  • How do you make a robot angry? Keep pushing his buttons.
  • When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.
  • What's the best way to make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
  • How do you light up a sports stadium? With a soccer match.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? They woke him up.
  • I told a bad chemistry joke once. I got no reaction.
Dad Jokes
  • Why did the cow go to Hollywood? To be in the moo-vies.
  • Why aren't lobsters generous? Because they're shellfish.
  • Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaaa-hamas.
  • I just flew in from California. Boy, are my arms tired!
  • Where did people hang out during medieval times? At knight clubs.
  • Why did the employee go work in stilts? He wanted a raise.

Best dad jokes

  • Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it’s a sour puss.
  • How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
  • What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher
  • What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
Dad Jokes
  • What do clouds wear beneath their pants? Thunderwear.
  • What kind of bagel can travel? A plain bagel.
  • When's the best time to call your dentist? Tooth-hurty.
  • What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
  • What do you call a cat with eight legs? An octo-puss.
Dad Jokes
  • What do you call an anxious fly? A jitterbug.
  • One did on potato chip say to the other? Let's go for a dip.
  • Why shouldn't you tell jokes to a duck? Because they'll quack up.
  • How did the piano get locked out of its car? It lost its keys.
  • Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning? It had a conductor.
  • What do you call a fake dad? A faux pas.
  • How do you make an eggroll? You push it.
  • I've never been a fan of facial hair. But now it's starting to grow on me.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
  • What do you call a pig who knows how to use a butcher knife? A pork chop.
  • What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A Sturgeon.
  • How do you hire a horse? Put up a ladder.
  • Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
  • Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

Worst dad jokes

Dad Jokes
  • How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
  • My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
  • What do kids play when they have nothing else to do? Bored games.
  • What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
  • What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
  • What does cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
  • When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
  • What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
  • How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
  • Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
  • What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
  • Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
  • How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
  • What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
  • Why did the computer catch cold? It left a window open.
  • How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
  • What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
Dad Jokes
  • Why did the computer go to bed? It needed to crash.
  • What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
  • What causes dry skin? A towel.
  • I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
  • How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
  • What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
  • Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.
  • What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.

Stupid dad jokes

  • What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
  • What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
  • What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
  • What's a zebra? A couple sizes bigger than an A.
  • Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? It comes with no strings attached.
  • I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • Why'd the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
  • Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
  • Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t too bad either.
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
  • What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
  • What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Dad Jokes

Corny dad jokes

  • What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
  • What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
  • What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
  • Why did the girl toss a clock out the window? She wanted to see time fly.
Dad Jokes
  • Once I read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
  • Where do armies belong? In your sleevies.
  • What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me.
  • Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns.
  • What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.
  • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  • Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
  • Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
  • What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
Dad Jokes
  • What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
  • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
  • Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.
  • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
  • Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
  • Have you ever had a bad sausage? It’s the wurst.
Dad Jokes
  • What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
  • How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
  • Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.
  • Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
  • Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
  • How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.
  • Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Dad Jokes
  • What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
  • Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  • Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.
  • Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
  • Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
  • What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!
  • What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.
  • What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.
  • Why did the nose feel sad? It was always getting picked on.

Bad-but-good dad jokes

  • Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
  • A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
  • Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.
  • Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.
Dad Jokes
  • What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.
  • Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
  • Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.
  • What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.
Dad Jokes
  • What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.
  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
  • What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
  • What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.
  • Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.
  • Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.
  • What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.
Dad Jokes
  • Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.
  • Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.
  • When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  • How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
  • Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
  • Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
  • What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered.
  • What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one’s on the house.
  • What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows
  • Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.
  • How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.
  • Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
  • What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
  • What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.
  • What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
  • How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.
  • How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
  • What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.
  • Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.
  • Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.
  • Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.
Dad Jokes
  • What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
  • What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.
  • What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.
  • What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
  • What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.
  • Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
  • What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.
  • How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.
  • Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.
Dad Jokes
  • Did you hear about the 12-inch dog? It was a foot long.
  • Why did the baseball player get arrested? He stole third base.
  • What did one piece of tape say to the other? Let’s stick together.

Best dad jokes for kids

  • What's brown and sticky? A stick.
  • How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
  • What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
  • How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
  • Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
  • Can February March? No, but April May!
  • What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
  • What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
  • Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
  • What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
  • Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
  • What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
  • Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.
  • How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
  • What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
  • What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  • What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
Dad Jokes
  • How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.
  • What kind of cereal do leprechauns eat? Lucky Charms.
  • What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.
  • Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
  • Why can’t you trust a balloon? It’s full of hot air.
  • What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
  • What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
  • How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.
Dad Jokes
  • What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.
  • How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”
  • Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.
  • What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
  • Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
  • What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
  • How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.
Dad Jokes
  • What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.
  • What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.
  • Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.
  • How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.
  • What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.
  • Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.

Best dad jokes for adults

  • Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.
  • What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
  • Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.
  • Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
  • If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
  • I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
  • Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
Dad Jokes
  • It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
  • Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
  • I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
  • Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It's just gathering dust.
  • Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  • Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
  • Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.
  • Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
  • What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
Dad Jokes
  • Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.
  • Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  • Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
  • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  • Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
  • Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
  • I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  • Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.
  • I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
  • Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
  • What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
  • How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
  • Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.
  • The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  • Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.
  • What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.